i was born a porn star she said
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
