i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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