When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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