So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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