I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
