so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
