You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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