you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Randomize
