Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
