I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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