Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
