Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
