There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
