"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
My life is pants optional.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
