and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
