what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
