I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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