My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
