i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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