I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
