I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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