I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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