omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
