Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
4 words: hood of his car
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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