Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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