she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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