Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
