A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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