I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I pour the whiskey from now on
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
