tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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