don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
