saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
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I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
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Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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