Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize