He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
