better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
