Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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