honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You're like the curious george of whores
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
