just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
