Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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