PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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