You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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