You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
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