You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
