don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
