Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
