kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
