well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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