over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Randomize
