What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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