Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
She made me pour olive oil on her.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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