I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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