You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
