The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
