Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
