how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
you inspire me to be a worse person
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
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