It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
This is classic penis vs brain.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
