You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
