Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
