I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
