How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
