I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
