The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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