Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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