She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
