white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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