you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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