so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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