Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
There are leaves in my underwear?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
