Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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