god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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