I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
