naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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