Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Randomize
