I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
