The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
