dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
i need some magic done to my vagina
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
