some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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