I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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