We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
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