take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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